“Before I can love someone, I must love myself”
(Nevermind if I adjust that to read, “learn to love.”).
Though sound advice, it is too broad a statement, or dull, to be of use. I’m susceptible to being mislead by such advice, too. This week, I’m a fool for believing in over simplifications. I’m now questioning–not in an act of angst, but out of search for understanding– the reason love is treated so generically; everyone has something to say about how to love, but there is never an exact remedy or formula.
I blame the defaults that make people susceptible to believing that it is okay to be in love, and happily so, only forty percent of the time (**actual advice from a mentor once. And how unfortunate that it may be true for so many people). For myself, I’m realizing that relying on how I’ve been taught to love–default acts of servitude, showing up, and listening–are a start, certainly, but can starve my soul overtime. Even the boundaries and asks that I have found as safe defaults for my self, lend to eventually wear out or fall inadequate in some way.